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2003-03-05 - 2:23 p.m. March 5th brings back some memories. I think of you sometimes good and evil thoughts. That's expected cause of the way that you were. I think of who I am with now and I wish that I could go back to that year I met you, that night in the dark. who are you and what are you doing in my bed.. who are you with now you ask? My main man the boy-man I longed to be with but then you came along.... my mind races for things to say about you that are decent. but I only have a few. I don't know why I think of you often.... wonder what you are up to and how you are doing! I can't believe you are turning 30 today and from the things I have heard about you haven't changed a bit. Last time I seen you talked to you was 3 years ago... and now it's the same bullshit never change. Maybe worse then before maybe grown up a bit! but realized you have, so you just have to turn right back around and be the same stupid selfish, mind controling, loner, loser, druggy, white trash - trailer park living bastard that you once (ARE) were. These dreams come often, I don't get it. I must need some closure from you cause in these dreams we are all "together" lovely dovely why you ask ? I have no answer. I don't ever want to be with you again , I don't ever want to touch your skin or have you touch my skin the way you used to. I don't want any part of that what so ever. I just want to beable to think back on my life and say I have no enemies. I can't explain why or when I starting feeling like that. I just wish things were different. Towards the end there I really was starting to become your FRIEND! not your puppet/slave. at least that is what I thought. Then one day for no reason you were gone. Don't get me wrong it was the best thing that could of happened. It only took me literally about 4 days to cry and ball my eyes out.. But I was so like ready long before that day in Decemeber to ditch you.. but I couldn't I didn't know how to .. I thought we could seriously be friends. continue our lives as FRIENDS!! there is nothing better then Friends. But you are the type of person - guys girls they can't be friends cause you always want to ruin things... you don't know how to be friends with a girl. you always ruin it , you can't control yourself. I don't know why. it seems like a race of some sort . how many girls can I fuck???? WHO knows who fucking cares!!! apparently you do.
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